Less shouting out when they're off the hook

A couple of random thoughts here.

I was loading the washer just now and realized that I don't use stain remover as often as I once did. Typically I was using it on a per load basis. I suspect this could mean only one thing... my babies are growing up.

On the note of them growing up, last night I was checking out the new music on itunes and came across Prince. My two oldest (11 & 9) were sitting with me and I started singing along to some of my Prince favorites when my oldest asked, "When you were in school was Prince off the hook?" Another speechless moment for this old mom.

Will work for social life

After nearly 11 years as a SAHM (those of you who read Dooce know what that means, those of you who don't know what that stands for should read Dooce). Let's move forward. I've been at home raising kids for nearly 11 years. This is the second year all three of my girls have been in school full days. I'm getting bored. Boredom has led to perusing the want ads. I responded to an ad on Friday that looked like something a mom with no degree that has not worked in nearly 11 years could potentially get an interview for. I now officially have an interview. I'm not getting too excited because let's keep in mind that all this company knows about me is my name, my phone number and the sound of my voice.

You Bore Me

While surfing through some blogs I came across The Awkward Epiphany and found Jason's post Why I'd Prefer To Be Mildly Autistic anything but boring. Jason makes some really good points regarding our society and the way in which we interact with one another. Back in the days when technology was little to none we had nothing better to do than interact with each other, face to face. How much of our social skills and interest in other people has been lost to the entertainment technology brings?

Wordless Wednesday

I've decided to try a Wordless Wednesday (although you can see I'm already failing) despite all the thoughts roaming around in my head I'm not sure I'll have time to put them into word form today. This is one of my favorite pictures from a trip we took to Myrtle Beach a couple years ago. That's my daughter and niece romping in the Atlantic.

Book-O-Knowledge

So I'm lying awake at 5 a.m. thinking about the fact that thanks to the book I just read, White Oleander, I now know how to successfully commit suicide using prescription sleep medication. Oh, have no fear, I don't have any prescription sleep medication in my possession. Once I realized that I continued on to the fact that despite all the words contained in that entire book, this is the one thing I gleaned from it. My goal now is to learn at least one new thing from each book I read. That's how I'll rate a book worthy from now on. I love to learn new things and if a book can teach me something new then it's worthy of my mention here, on my highly trafficked blog.

Now, off to call the doctor about this insomnia...


Disclaimer: all mentions of potentially committing suicide are simply sad attempts at humor.

One way ticket

Conversation with my 11 year old after watching a commercial for an airfare sale. Brother-in-law was part of the conversation.

me: "Hmm, wonder where I could go for $49?"

her: "UH!" (as in, "that's not fair, I wanna go somewhere.")

me: "I'll take you with me."

her: big smile

him: "Yeah, she'll buy you a one way ticket."

her: "Huh?" (I guess she doesn't understand what a one way ticket is.)

me: "Actually, we'll buy both of your sisters a one way ticket, leave them there and I'll bring you back with me."

her: "Cool!"

*** Pause ***

me: "Imagine all the stuff you could have if I didn't have to pay for anything for your sisters."

If any of them survive childhood they're going to cost me a fortune in therapy.

I yell way too much

My awesome Canadian friend sent me this page and I had to share it. This is so me and I'm willing to bet I'm not the only one thinking that.

I prefer to do my thinking inside the box thank you very much

Remember that one time when wegot that one thing?

How do you answer that question exactly? I get questions like this from my 7 year old all the time. I don't dare tell her that I have no idea what she's talking about, that only infuriates her because shouldn't every mother be able to read her 7 year old's warped little mind?

So when she posed this latest question to me in the car yesterday I instantly froze. What do I say? How do I handle this? Do not make her mad so she starts kicking the back of my seat, etc... In my frozen state I looked out the corner of my eye at my 11 year old next to me. For those of you who may actually know my 11 year old you can picture the look on her face. It was these momentary flickers of "What is she talking about? Why can't she just shut up for once in my life? I wonder if I can push her out in front of that truck coming without mom noticing? Ah, mom, heh, wonder how she's gonna manage to get out of this one without getting yelled at or having the back of her seat kicked in?"

As I sit frozen and distracted by the multitude of thoughts written all over my 11 year old I realize that the 7 year old is continuing to explain. Finally she was able to tell me what it was we got and when we got it.

Silence, that's my new theory. I'll just be silent when the next unanswerable question comes around.

I am a lot of things, but I am not a desk

My seven year old has always seemed lost on the concept of a severed umbilical cord. Wherever I go, she feels the need to follow. Just being in the same room with me is never enough though, oh no, if possible we must be touching. This time she has taken this illness of hers to new heights.

Seven year know-it-all

While getting ready for school this morning my seven year old said, "Shoot, we forgot to read that page last night."

I, having no clue what she's talking about, said, "What page?"

Her response, "There was a page we needed to read last night BUT, we didn't really need to read it because I already know everything in school anyway."

I fully intend to take credit for her intelligence and self confidence, thank you very much.

Confessions of an American Idol junkie

I'm not even sure how my television got tuned to American Idol last season but somehow it happened. It was the first time, but not soon to be the last. I admit that it was probably Chris Daughtry that kept me tuning in week after week and maybe the same "magic" won't be there this season but I will be tuned in tonight to find out. So, just take this as a warning that there will probably be plenty of American Idol talk in the months to come.

Oh, and just for the record, I think Simon rocks!

Just call me Maxi Pad

Ok, so as pet owners we're forever giving our pets ridiculous nicknames right? The list is long at my house: Hoov (short for Hoover), Pupsy Girl, Fat Boy, Tatter Poos, King Chicken-Chicken, Buddy Tat are all just a few of the names our pets get called. I recently heard a story of two brothers who renamed their family dog frequently, quite ingenious if you ask me.

I really started to think on this after visiting my crazy friend last night. She and her husband have a beautiful, large, 4 month old, male, chocolate lab named Max. Somehow this dog's nickname has become Maxi Pad. Which is beyond the utmost entertainment to we humans. But, do you ever wonder what it might be like to be this big, macho dog hanging at the park with all the other big, macho dogs, not to mention the hot little poodle and all her girlfriends, when suddenly your mom, or worse yet, dad yells, "Come on Maxi Pad, it's time to go home!!" (Ok, the best part of this scenario is being able to imagine my crazy friend saying this in her best "puppy wuppy" voice) What's a dog to do? Will he endure the snickers from the other guys, will the ladies instantly turn their noses and no longer find him cool and handsome? Will he get picked on the next time he goes to the park and not be allowed to join in any of their games? Neuticles or not, this could be potentially damaging to a dog's reputation.

So I ponder on to the fact that Maxi Pad has a sister, a gorgeous, long-haired tortie named Lucy. My crazy friend sometimes calls Lucy her pretty little pussy and from what I understand her husband is not fond of it. So explain to me why this man does not like for the female cat to be called Pussy but has no issues with his male dog being called Maxi Pad!? Seems like the perfect pair to me!

Tim McGraw's new video

On New Year's Eve Tim McGraw debuted his new video, "Last Dollar". I just watched it for the first time and as always when it comes to Tim, I think it's awesome. The man never disappoints me. Aside from being a very talented artist he's also extremely HOT! I'm touched by the children singing at the end, I'm assuming from the video that it's Tim's daughters as well as children of his band members. Too sweet.

"With Neuticles- It's like nothing ever changed!"

From the Neuticles website -

"Thank you for your interest in patented Neuticles and the revolutionary testicular implant procedure for pets. Inside you will find the latest information and updates.

Over 225,000 caring pet owners Worldwide have selected Neuticles as a safe, practical and inexpensive option when neutering.

Neuticles allowing your pet to retain his natural look, self esteem and aids in the trauma associated with neutering."

I'm simply speechless.

Sleepy Baby

A photographer I am not. I simply enjoy taking snapshots then manipulating them in my photo program. Once in a while I get one that makes me feel like a professional. This photo of Sophie is one of those. Something about the soft, warm color and the soft, warm puppy makes me want to curl up and nap.

Dooce

Dooce has me laughing again. What I wouldn't give to be able to put words on a computer screen with the same flair Heather has.

If you've never visited Dooce, don't waste another minute!

Note to 7 year old

On the counter, next to the stove is NOT where your tights belong. This rule seems especially important when your older sister is making Ramen noodles.

Because nothing could be tastier than a litter coated cat turd

Ponderings of a seven year old

"Mom, is salt water really just shark pee?"

Out of the office

I will not be available for deep, thought provoking conversations today as I have a very demanding to do list.

To do list:

1.) Nap
2.) Eat
3.) Read (if I can find a spare moment to seek out new reading material)
4.) Nap
5.) Surf the net

Oh, I do need to squeeze in a trip to the store for cat food, dog food & toilet paper. If possible I will also be fitting in a tetanus shot at some point today. Although it's probably pointless a week after the fact, the temptation of a poke and long, slow burn followed up by temporary, partial, paralysis of my arm is just too delicious to turn down. Let me add that my best friend will be the one giving me the shot and I've left too many lipstick prints on her windshield to expect any mercy.

Join my contest!

The object: Be the first ever to post a comment on my blog. But don't go away if you're not the first, keep reading!

The rules: Post something, anything.

The prize: A lifetime link from my blog to your blog or website. Anything over PG-13 is automatically disqualified. Hey! I have kids ya know.

Posting guidelines: Keep it clean and kind please. Suggestions on what could make this blog more interesting would be helpful. Also, even if you're not the first, still post. I may want to check out your site myself or share it with my readers (all one of me.)

Disclaimer: I reserve the right to change any or all of these rules at any time and without notice. (This probably isn't necessary but you never know these days).

Ok, so it's not that great of a contest but (going into Wendy Whiner mode here) I reeaallly want someone to post a comment, pleeeaaassssee!

I want my coffee to look like this...

These are the coolest looking cups of joe ever. Be sure to check out the video!

Just finished reading

This evening I finished The Bell Jar by Sylvia Plath.

I was surprised to find that it was autobiographical. It has left me quite intrigued by the life of Sylvia Plath. While it was obvious that she was slowly descending into some type of mental breakdown, she also wrote it in a way that made me question if that was really where the story was going.

It was a good book and I definitely enjoyed it although it took me a bit to really get into it. I mostly read new fiction and I think this may have been my first "classic", I believe that's how it's categorized. I think I'll have to dig into some more classics now.

Easy Cheese Emergency

Can anyone tell me if there's a way to replace the spout on a can of Easy Cheese? Yes, this is an honest question. A certain child in my house (still investigating the exact identity) left a brand new can of Easy Cheese within reach of a certain canine (I won't name names) and she managed to not only remove the lid but also chew off the white spout from which Easy Cheese so beautifully spews forth.

Here I sit, staring at my can of maimed Easy Cheese along with a box of lonely crackers waiting for an answer.

Are we suppose to let them win?

This question, along with any subject related to parenting is destined to spark a debate. Luckily, I'm pretty sure I'm the only one that reads this blog therefore, there's no need to worry.

Last night my 11 year old wanted to challenge me to a game of Big Brain. We borrowed one of her sisters' Nintendo DS game systems and the challenge began. I pretty much kicked her butt and anytime she would get discouraged I would remind her that I'm 25 years older than her. Hey, she still has youth and beauty, I have, well, more smarts than an 11 year old. As the competition was going strong the ds I was using suddenly aborted and said the connection had been dropped. I said, "Hey, what happened?" My daughter replied, "I turned mine off." When I asked why it turns out it was because I was winning. She said it wasn't any fun because it was obvious no matter what we did I was going to win.

So I guess my question is, should I have let her win a few just to boost her confidence? I certainly wasn't completely creaming her, at least not every time. She was doing a pretty good job holding her own in some of the areas.

If you happen across this blog by accident let me know what you think.

Happy New Year! Want a puppy?

Yikes! I remember the puppy days, I really, really do. I guess I was just enjoying the "old dog who lays around and does nothing" days too much.

Despite spending the past couple of years preparing myself for the possibility I would have to someday put my aging black lab, Hoss, down it was still one of the most agonizing moments of my life. I missed him terrible, ok I still do. The stupidity on my part came when I missed him so much I decided 6-8 weeks later that a new puppy would make it all better! HA! I remember thinking something similar after my husband died too, I'm glad there's not a shelter for surrendered husbands.

So as the story goes, there's a new puppy in the house. She's been here a couple months now and she is slowly eating away at every bit of sanity I have left. Her thought process goes something like - if it's edible eat it; if it moves attack it and then eat it; if it's put up out of my reach find a way to get it and eat it; if mom says no wait until she's not looking and eat it, if it has fur and meows at least try to eat it; if someone drops it on the floor get to it before they do and eat it; if it smells like a foot has been in it, eat it; if it looks like it wants to be eaten, eat it! If you've ever had a puppy, you get it, it's a puppy thing.

Eat it has most recently translated into injury, FOR ME! Cute little aforementioned puppy (also sometimes known as Hoov, short for Hoover) learned how to flip open the top of the trash can and remove it's tastiest contents. It turns out this last time around her snack of choice was a tin can lid. Apparently she realized she wasn't a goat and left the lid in the middle of the dining room floor where the bottom of my foot quickly and painfully made contact with it! This resulted in 8 stitches in the bottom of my foot on New Year's Day.

Happy New Year!