Book-O-Knowledge

So I'm lying awake at 5 a.m. thinking about the fact that thanks to the book I just read, White Oleander, I now know how to successfully commit suicide using prescription sleep medication. Oh, have no fear, I don't have any prescription sleep medication in my possession. Once I realized that I continued on to the fact that despite all the words contained in that entire book, this is the one thing I gleaned from it. My goal now is to learn at least one new thing from each book I read. That's how I'll rate a book worthy from now on. I love to learn new things and if a book can teach me something new then it's worthy of my mention here, on my highly trafficked blog.

Now, off to call the doctor about this insomnia...


Disclaimer: all mentions of potentially committing suicide are simply sad attempts at humor.

One way ticket

Conversation with my 11 year old after watching a commercial for an airfare sale. Brother-in-law was part of the conversation.

me: "Hmm, wonder where I could go for $49?"

her: "UH!" (as in, "that's not fair, I wanna go somewhere.")

me: "I'll take you with me."

her: big smile

him: "Yeah, she'll buy you a one way ticket."

her: "Huh?" (I guess she doesn't understand what a one way ticket is.)

me: "Actually, we'll buy both of your sisters a one way ticket, leave them there and I'll bring you back with me."

her: "Cool!"

*** Pause ***

me: "Imagine all the stuff you could have if I didn't have to pay for anything for your sisters."

If any of them survive childhood they're going to cost me a fortune in therapy.

I yell way too much

My awesome Canadian friend sent me this page and I had to share it. This is so me and I'm willing to bet I'm not the only one thinking that.

I prefer to do my thinking inside the box thank you very much

Remember that one time when wegot that one thing?

How do you answer that question exactly? I get questions like this from my 7 year old all the time. I don't dare tell her that I have no idea what she's talking about, that only infuriates her because shouldn't every mother be able to read her 7 year old's warped little mind?

So when she posed this latest question to me in the car yesterday I instantly froze. What do I say? How do I handle this? Do not make her mad so she starts kicking the back of my seat, etc... In my frozen state I looked out the corner of my eye at my 11 year old next to me. For those of you who may actually know my 11 year old you can picture the look on her face. It was these momentary flickers of "What is she talking about? Why can't she just shut up for once in my life? I wonder if I can push her out in front of that truck coming without mom noticing? Ah, mom, heh, wonder how she's gonna manage to get out of this one without getting yelled at or having the back of her seat kicked in?"

As I sit frozen and distracted by the multitude of thoughts written all over my 11 year old I realize that the 7 year old is continuing to explain. Finally she was able to tell me what it was we got and when we got it.

Silence, that's my new theory. I'll just be silent when the next unanswerable question comes around.

I am a lot of things, but I am not a desk

My seven year old has always seemed lost on the concept of a severed umbilical cord. Wherever I go, she feels the need to follow. Just being in the same room with me is never enough though, oh no, if possible we must be touching. This time she has taken this illness of hers to new heights.

Seven year know-it-all

While getting ready for school this morning my seven year old said, "Shoot, we forgot to read that page last night."

I, having no clue what she's talking about, said, "What page?"

Her response, "There was a page we needed to read last night BUT, we didn't really need to read it because I already know everything in school anyway."

I fully intend to take credit for her intelligence and self confidence, thank you very much.